So many names of people in this post

I woke up on my own at 7:30am today. I had breakfast of a couple of oatmeal cookies and milk, and even fed the cats with some dried fish. I got ready in under 30 minutes, going with a pink theme today, wearing the new boots I bought the other night.

I arrived to class early or at least right on time, to show Mr Erwin that I can do it this time. I can do it. I managed to produce some ideas in class and showed Mr  Mas Irwan and Mr Erwin my most recent idea. I guess I'd say it's finalized and locked in.

I wasn't sure whether I should go and wait for the bus back home for lunch yet or not, so I went and hung out with the guys from class. They were... getting really gay at one point; staring and pointing their fingers directly at each other's... uh... uh.... nipples. I was the one feeling disturbed and affected, covering my own chest with my arms as they simply 'pinched' and 'squeezed', omg. They all laughed and said, "Psychological effects~" When they were going around the table, taking turns trying to make each other uncomfortable, I realized that it was going to end up to me eventually, and I said, "Don't you fucking dare." lol

A-anyway, I had a lunch of chicken rice with soup and some of Haziq's fries. Acap and Aleh went back earlier, Haziq was catching up with an old school friend, and Fiq told me about how good it feels when you get to fight with your lover. It's just- It means you two are comfortable enough with each other to have a fight. And you get to learn which topic is sensitive and untouchable, and you learn their bad habits and so on.

We moved from the plaza to the library, although I kind of wish I had stayed to listen to the band that was setting up their instruments on the stage. In the air-conditioned library, we met Ken and Zuner. While Ken went off to find Mr SMK for consultation, Fiq played Subway Surfers on Zuner's phone, causing Haziq to turn into a squealing number one fan and cheerleader, watching his friend play the game, lololol. I later asked Zuner to teach me how to play poker, haha.

After another failed attempt to get my book vouchers, it turns out that it was okay for me not to attend the afternoon class, since I have to reason to consult Mr SMK or Mr Irman, really. I did find out from Mr Puja that I can find Mr Jenting from the faculty, if I ever need help with the ToonBoom program, which Ken and Zuner suggested I try. They were so worried over my frame-by-frame animation, how thoughtful of them, haha. Also, for some reason, they taught me the evolution of the Chinese language, concluding that Malaysian Chinese is the most colourful, haha.

I met Iqa and Bond on the way back, who invited me into their future little personal  production team, and said that I could handle the design and animation department, ohoho~ I am so in.

Nice day in KL

I was feeling good in the morning's air, walking in the capital city, so I kept my head held high, with a small smile on my face. Some strangers smiled and nodded back, and that felt nice. Especially that one valet guy who politely asked how I was doing. Flattering indeed.

I was wearing the brown outfit I bought from Times Square, plus the feather earrings Shaby and Tari told me to buy. Mama told me to wear it. It seems she really likes the look. She usually disagrees with my choice of fashion. And she's so supportive about Omar too. Ever since I told her about him, she kept bugging me about going out to have Mexican food, so that's why I'm in KL. One of the cooks at the Mexican place even looked a bit like him, haha. It's the eyes and the nose. I told Shaby that, and she accused me of "enjoying the view", but woman, please- My boyfriend is waaay more handsome than that! XD

So yeah, Tari and I spent the day laughing together. Laughter is the best medicine, after all. We planned to nap later in the afternoon, but ended up laughing at more goats, lololol.

It's always nice to be in someone else's home every once in a while, where you'll be treated like family. I would escape to Natsuki's or Ayin's or Tari's house when I'm feeling down. It's simply... nice. C:

A realistic dream

My dream this morning was rather vivid. Probably for the first time, the place setting of the dream was definite from the beginning until the end. It was my old primary school.

So, from there, unresolved feelings of anxiety and depression were represented. Going through a spiritual learning experience is right, indeed. I'm learning and growing so much from so many experiences in life, and it's rather refreshing.

Meeting him in the dream, it was like making a direct contact with his soul. He reacted as though he would if we were dating in real life. I deduced that he was simply too stressed and tired to deal with anything else, so I should work on lifting his spirits up, or leaving him to calm down.

The Reply

I've been trying to keep a clear mind about this. But I can't.

I'm trying to work out a solution or even just think about what I should say. But every time I feel like I'm on the verge of grasping it, something blocks me out.

I probably need a few days off, like before. But I can probably only get that in at least 4 more days or so. Looks like I'll need to toughen this one out.

Dammit, this is going to be difficult.

What can I say to make him feel better? I keep hurting him, what the hell. I thought I was the one usually getting hurt in relationships? Since when did I- I really have changed a lot. Getting addicted to coffee, beginning to tolerate spicy foods, admitting my love for my family... Natsuki's right. She's freaked by my transformation, though I only see it as me, evolving, I suppose. I grew up, that's what happened. Yeah.

But still, I'm growing up so much I'm acting like a nagging wife? Not cool, man.

INFJ - The Protector

As an INFJ, your primary mode of living is focused internally, where you take things in primarily via intuition. Your secondary mode is external, where you deal with things according to how you feel about them, or how they fit with your personal value system.

INFJs are gentle, caring, complex and highly intuitive individuals. Artistic and creative, they live in a world of hidden meanings and possibilities. Only one percent of the population has an INFJ Personality Type, making it the most rare of all the types.

INFJs place great importance on havings things orderly and systematic in their outer world. They put a lot of energy into identifying the best system for getting things done, and constantly define and re-define the priorities in their lives. On the other hand, INFJs operate within themselves on an intuitive basis which is entirely spontaneous. They know things intuitively, without being able to pinpoint why, and without detailed knowledge of the subject at hand. They are usually right, and they usually know it. Consequently, INFJs put a tremendous amount of faith into their instincts and intuitions. This is something of a conflict between the inner and outer worlds, and may result in the INFJ not being as organized as other Judging types tend to be. Or we may see some signs of disarray in an otherwise orderly tendency, such as a consistently messy desk.

INFJs have uncanny insight into people and situations. They get "feelings" about things and intuitively understand them. As an extreme example, some INFJs report experiences of a psychic nature, such as getting strong feelings about there being a problem with a loved one, and discovering later that they were in a car accident. This is the sort of thing that other types may scorn and scoff at, and the INFJ themself does not really understand their intuition at a level which can be verbalized. Consequently, most INFJs are protective of their inner selves, sharing only what they choose to share when they choose to share it. They are deep, complex individuals, who are quite private and typically difficult to understand. INFJs hold back part of themselves, and can be secretive.

But the INFJ is as genuinely warm as they are complex. INFJs hold a special place in the heart of people who they are close to, who are able to see their special gifts and depth of caring. INFJs are concerned for people's feelings, and try to be gentle to avoid hurting anyone. They are very sensitive to conflict, and cannot tolerate it very well. Situations which are charged with conflict may drive the normally peaceful INFJ into a state of agitation or charged anger. They may tend to internalize conflict into their bodies, and experience health problems when under a lot of stress.

Because the INFJ has such strong intuitive capabilities, they trust their own instincts above all else. This may result in an INFJ stubborness and tendency to ignore other people's opinions. They believe that they're right. On the other hand, INFJ is a perfectionist who doubts that they are living up to their full potential. INFJs are rarely at complete peace with themselves - there's always something else they should be doing to improve themselves and the world around them. They believe in constant growth, and don't often take time to revel in their accomplishments. They have strong value systems, and need to live their lives in accordance with what they feel is right. In deference to the Feeling aspect of their personalities, INFJs are in some ways gentle and easy going. Conversely, they have very high expectations of themselves, and frequently of their families. They don't believe in compromising their ideals.

INFJ is a natural nurturer; patient, devoted and protective. They make loving parents and usually have strong bonds with their offspring. They have high expectations of their children, and push them to be the best that they can be. This can sometimes manifest itself in the INFJ being hard-nosed and stubborn. But generally, children of an INFJ get devoted and sincere parental guidance, combined with deep caring.

In the workplace, the INFJ usually shows up in areas where they can be creative and somewhat independent. They have a natural affinity for art, and many excel in the sciences, where they make use of their intuition. INFJs can also be found in service-oriented professions. They are not good at dealing with minutia or very detailed tasks. The INFJ will either avoid such things, or else go to the other extreme and become enveloped in the details to the extent that they can no longer see the big picture. An INFJ who has gone the route of becoming meticulous about details may be highly critical of other individuals who are not.

The INFJ individual is gifted in ways that other types are not. Life is not necessarily easy for the INFJ, but they are capable of great depth of feeling and personal achievement.

http://www.personalitypage.com/INFJ.html

Castle in the Air

I escaped to my personal refugee that situates atop my own house. I climbed up the rooftop without much regard for anything else. I could almost feel the sad frustration spilling out with each clasp on the individual roof shingles, as if I could leave the feeling there and never see them ever again. A piece of loose cement stone rolled off downwards, and I could hear my heart wishing to fall down along with it. I sighed and leaned my head back on the rough surface, facing up towards the blue-black sky. I could see the night lights drowning out most of the twinkling stars, but all these lights were just blurry auras of white and orange to me. It could be the lack of my correction glasses causing it, but perhaps they were amplified due to the welling tears in my eyes.

How I desperately wished he was lying there, next to me, with our hands clasped together and fingers intertwined. I always had thought of taking him up to the roof when he ever does visit. We would scour the small town of Bukit Sentosa from above and I would point out what we could see from up there. He would listen to my endless babbles and stare at my face as I talked, with a dreamy look on his. Then, I would take him on a stroll around the neighbourhood, where I grew up, and tell him all the silly little memories I have in this lane and that. And if we bump into anyone I know, I would proudly introduce him as my eternal lover, and they would wish us well.

But oh, alas! I could only ever dream up these thoughts in my head for now. Every day and night I think about him, and wonder what runs through his mind. Is it me? What kind of thoughts are they? As he works ever-so responsibly, does he dream about meeting me at the end of the day, as well? I am unsatisfied having these questions unanswered, but I suppose... I would have to make do.

Even if that means sobbing about it.

Faizal Tahir - Bencinta

Benarkan ku untuk berbicara,
Bicara terus ke hati mu, hati mu...
Hati yang penuh rasa ragu,
Jangan terus pergi,
Tanpa mendengar ku,
Mungkin mudah,
Untuk kau terus berlalu,
Nanti dulu,
Berikanlah waktu,
Untuk aku; untuk kamu.

[Chorus 1]
Ingatkah lagi waktu kau bersama ku?
Kaku aku melihat mu,
Lidah kelu sedangkan aku,
Mahu kau tahu,
Aku cinta pada mu,
Benci pada mu,
Cinta pada mu.

Ke tepi lihat ku berlalu,
Pasti itu yang terbaik untuk ku,
Tiada lagi mahu ku tahu,
Tentang hidup kamu,
Tentang mati kamu,
Aku tahu,
Engkau tahu apa yang mata ku tahu,
Apa yang kau tunggu?
Mahu aku buka pintu?

[Chorus 2]
Ingatkah lagi waktu kau bersama ku?
Kaku aku melihat mu,
Sedang aku mahu kau tahu,
Dengar kata ku,
Aku cinta padamu,
Benci pada mu,
Cinta pada mu.

Sakitnya aku,
Membenci kamu,
Sakit lagi mencintai mu,
Dan aku pergi,
Tapi kembali,
Benci aku mencintai diri mu,

Ku benci kamu...
Ku cinta kamu...

[Chorus 2]
[Chorus 1]

Ingatkah lagi waktu kau bersama ku?
Dengar kata ku,
Aku cinta pada mu,
Aku benci pada mu,
Aku cinta! Aku benci!