People

Here I am, in my dark-but-lit, cold-but-warm room, thinking about yesterday's event. There was a short circuit in our house and we had to face a blackout. Shaby suggested going downstairs to the study room to charge our laptop batteries, but I was reluctant. When asked why, I said, "Because there are people downstairs." She made a good point about it being a Sunday afternoon though, so there won't be anyone, so we went down, glad that she's there to accompany me, at least. I can only tolerate the certain people I have allowed into my special circle, anyway, and she is definitely in it.

There was only one other guy in the study room. The ceiling fan above us did not work, while the fan across from us creaked terribly like it was begging for us to end its life. A dragonfly appeared when I was drawing Omar's Flygon ANON character. It shocked me, so I shooed it away with my words, and it did go away. Tari showed me and Shaby some cat-dog videos and pictures, which cheered me up for a while.

Shaby and I went to buy dinner out front, and I kept complaining about having to eat in the plaza; the public. I hate people. I just don't like being seen in public... sometimes.

Since our house was still dark when we got back, and we lost all the drive to do anything, I suggested that we go sit by the pool and talk. We were doing just fine until a couple of African guys approached us and talked to us. We played it cold and gave fake names. Shaby was awesome at deterring them with her glare, which that one guy described as 'a grenade'. I can't believe they dared to ask us if we're in the mood for dark chocolate...

Despicable. Abhorring. Deplorable.

It's these kinds of feelings that make me not want to put myself out there in the public world. I have to constantly have my earphones on to avoid having to talk to people when I'm walking or waiting somewhere. I have to have my shoulders tensed up like a spring each time I'm out in the open with other people, just in case I have to strike back physically. I have to be rude and think of a solid alias to use when strange men give off that unsettling aura as they talk to me.

It's limiting me down... from trying to live and be happy. I hate it.

I hate people.

The Cub and the Foal

I couldn't sleep. I couldn't rest.

I saw the Cub and the Foal, crying, as if for their mother, from across a large chasm.

We were separated. I thought of leaving them there, but their desire to be together was too strong. I was pulled towards them.

We embraced. Tightly. They stayed for the company, never letting go. They stayed with me as they grew up. We grew up. We grew up together. We always have been.

They promised; They vowed to be better. We worked out a plan to better our home, together. We kept seeing the Eagle, (the Ferret was with her, longing to join us) but we pulled our eyes away from her. We had to keep her out of our home. (Not that she was trying to intrude or anything, we just feel defensive.)

At least for now.

Heatwave - Glowbug

I used to run with the idiots,
I cut my teeth in one resentful tribe,
When something dark lightens up again,
I won't lie; it feels alright,

Who wants a life on a moving train?
The never-ending mountains crawling by,
Pretending I can't see anything,
No heart, no eyes,

Heatwave, heatwave,

Someone will ask, "Now where have you been?"
And in the silence, they might crack a smile,
Well, we all know that you're talented,
But you're dead, and I'm alive,

Heatwave, heatwave.

Beauty Saturday

I was supposed to wake up in the morning and go with Shaby to KL, but I felt like staying in bed and kept dreaming. When I woke up to the cleaners doing their job, I decided that I should just relax and pamper myself today. I declared today Beauty Saturday. Facial masks, lotions and toners, hair care and condition... all that stuff.

I ended up wetting my face with tears today, though.

No apparent reason.

...Well, perhaps just... out of loneliness.

All those tears had better be good to my skin!

Cooking the weekend away

I had a good weekend at my parents' house. I kidnapped Shaby along with me since we both had been sick and tired of living on little food, although that's part of our diet. My brother picked us up (after ending up lost somewhere, as expected) and we wasted no time going to Tesco and the bakery store to buy groceries for our cooking needs.

Day 1: Chicken cordon bleu paired with creamy mushroom sauce and buttered spinach.
Day 2: Roasted garlic parmesan spaghetti and quiche.
Day 3: Sweet sour fish fritters with onions and carrots.

I feel so satisfied and accomplished, since everyone liked the dishes so much. My mother even invited my aunts, uncle and cousins over and declared that she'll be retiring from the role of the cook of the house. When Moksu Shidah's family arrived, I jumped for joy, in my apron and all, since I haven't seen them in a while. They were all dressed formally and I asked them if they really thought I was having a kenduri. They fooled me, joking with me, saying they thought Omar was coming to propose to me already, haha. Uncle Nashar spouted some random, generic Mexican names, having a go at guessing his name, lololol. There was Juan, Monte Carlos and whatnot. I don't even- XD

We went to Jusco that night, to shop for clothes and then drove all the way over to Subang to drop Mokde and Azli off. We had dinner at this restaurant called Te Amo, which pleased me that it was Mexican/Spanish for I love you, ahaha. Omar uses it on me, so I'd know better. |D

Now I find myself casually reminiscing our romantic times with my friend, Minori and not getting too worked up about it. I guess I've finally realized to just leave him alone to work, and he'll come around when he has time. Also, I keep searching for recipes I could use, for cooking practice. I even gave Vanessa a random curry laksa recipe yesterday, lol. Now I feel like learning how to make laksa from Mama. Apparently there's also laksa Johor, but I wanna try laksa Penang first. :P

I finally broke down

It has always been about the revolving wheel. The ups and downs. It's like riding the merry-go-round that won't stop. The name of that contraption is also very misleading. It's not always certain you'll be merry the whole time, throughout the whole ride. It should be called the merry-and-despair-go-round.

Whenever something good happens, it only means something bad is going to happen soon afterwards. Or you can look at it the other way around. Whenever something bad happens, keep your chin up. It means something good will happen next. It's all a matter of how you see it. You know. Whether the glass is half empty, or half full.

The enemies always seem to know when you're at your most vulnerable state. And they try to take that opportunity to break you. But you know what? You're not going to let them. You've gotten this far; you're strong. You're strong enough to push through this. Ignore it, subdue it or whatever. You can.

Today might not be mine to take, but maybe tomorrow will. You never know. It sucks not being able to know. When you're left in the dark, there's fear... but there's also hope.

So many names of people in this post

I woke up on my own at 7:30am today. I had breakfast of a couple of oatmeal cookies and milk, and even fed the cats with some dried fish. I got ready in under 30 minutes, going with a pink theme today, wearing the new boots I bought the other night.

I arrived to class early or at least right on time, to show Mr Erwin that I can do it this time. I can do it. I managed to produce some ideas in class and showed Mr  Mas Irwan and Mr Erwin my most recent idea. I guess I'd say it's finalized and locked in.

I wasn't sure whether I should go and wait for the bus back home for lunch yet or not, so I went and hung out with the guys from class. They were... getting really gay at one point; staring and pointing their fingers directly at each other's... uh... uh.... nipples. I was the one feeling disturbed and affected, covering my own chest with my arms as they simply 'pinched' and 'squeezed', omg. They all laughed and said, "Psychological effects~" When they were going around the table, taking turns trying to make each other uncomfortable, I realized that it was going to end up to me eventually, and I said, "Don't you fucking dare." lol

A-anyway, I had a lunch of chicken rice with soup and some of Haziq's fries. Acap and Aleh went back earlier, Haziq was catching up with an old school friend, and Fiq told me about how good it feels when you get to fight with your lover. It's just- It means you two are comfortable enough with each other to have a fight. And you get to learn which topic is sensitive and untouchable, and you learn their bad habits and so on.

We moved from the plaza to the library, although I kind of wish I had stayed to listen to the band that was setting up their instruments on the stage. In the air-conditioned library, we met Ken and Zuner. While Ken went off to find Mr SMK for consultation, Fiq played Subway Surfers on Zuner's phone, causing Haziq to turn into a squealing number one fan and cheerleader, watching his friend play the game, lololol. I later asked Zuner to teach me how to play poker, haha.

After another failed attempt to get my book vouchers, it turns out that it was okay for me not to attend the afternoon class, since I have to reason to consult Mr SMK or Mr Irman, really. I did find out from Mr Puja that I can find Mr Jenting from the faculty, if I ever need help with the ToonBoom program, which Ken and Zuner suggested I try. They were so worried over my frame-by-frame animation, how thoughtful of them, haha. Also, for some reason, they taught me the evolution of the Chinese language, concluding that Malaysian Chinese is the most colourful, haha.

I met Iqa and Bond on the way back, who invited me into their future little personal  production team, and said that I could handle the design and animation department, ohoho~ I am so in.