Sigh

"I just wanna know how he's doing..."

"...You could just ask him."

"He could just tell me!"

Two things

There are two things that keeps running through my mind on an endless marathon.

All I ever think about is my boyfriend, and food.

I am lonely, and I am hungry.

People

Here I am, in my dark-but-lit, cold-but-warm room, thinking about yesterday's event. There was a short circuit in our house and we had to face a blackout. Shaby suggested going downstairs to the study room to charge our laptop batteries, but I was reluctant. When asked why, I said, "Because there are people downstairs." She made a good point about it being a Sunday afternoon though, so there won't be anyone, so we went down, glad that she's there to accompany me, at least. I can only tolerate the certain people I have allowed into my special circle, anyway, and she is definitely in it.

There was only one other guy in the study room. The ceiling fan above us did not work, while the fan across from us creaked terribly like it was begging for us to end its life. A dragonfly appeared when I was drawing Omar's Flygon ANON character. It shocked me, so I shooed it away with my words, and it did go away. Tari showed me and Shaby some cat-dog videos and pictures, which cheered me up for a while.

Shaby and I went to buy dinner out front, and I kept complaining about having to eat in the plaza; the public. I hate people. I just don't like being seen in public... sometimes.

Since our house was still dark when we got back, and we lost all the drive to do anything, I suggested that we go sit by the pool and talk. We were doing just fine until a couple of African guys approached us and talked to us. We played it cold and gave fake names. Shaby was awesome at deterring them with her glare, which that one guy described as 'a grenade'. I can't believe they dared to ask us if we're in the mood for dark chocolate...

Despicable. Abhorring. Deplorable.

It's these kinds of feelings that make me not want to put myself out there in the public world. I have to constantly have my earphones on to avoid having to talk to people when I'm walking or waiting somewhere. I have to have my shoulders tensed up like a spring each time I'm out in the open with other people, just in case I have to strike back physically. I have to be rude and think of a solid alias to use when strange men give off that unsettling aura as they talk to me.

It's limiting me down... from trying to live and be happy. I hate it.

I hate people.

The Cub and the Foal

I couldn't sleep. I couldn't rest.

I saw the Cub and the Foal, crying, as if for their mother, from across a large chasm.

We were separated. I thought of leaving them there, but their desire to be together was too strong. I was pulled towards them.

We embraced. Tightly. They stayed for the company, never letting go. They stayed with me as they grew up. We grew up. We grew up together. We always have been.

They promised; They vowed to be better. We worked out a plan to better our home, together. We kept seeing the Eagle, (the Ferret was with her, longing to join us) but we pulled our eyes away from her. We had to keep her out of our home. (Not that she was trying to intrude or anything, we just feel defensive.)

At least for now.

Heatwave - Glowbug

I used to run with the idiots,
I cut my teeth in one resentful tribe,
When something dark lightens up again,
I won't lie; it feels alright,

Who wants a life on a moving train?
The never-ending mountains crawling by,
Pretending I can't see anything,
No heart, no eyes,

Heatwave, heatwave,

Someone will ask, "Now where have you been?"
And in the silence, they might crack a smile,
Well, we all know that you're talented,
But you're dead, and I'm alive,

Heatwave, heatwave.

Beauty Saturday

I was supposed to wake up in the morning and go with Shaby to KL, but I felt like staying in bed and kept dreaming. When I woke up to the cleaners doing their job, I decided that I should just relax and pamper myself today. I declared today Beauty Saturday. Facial masks, lotions and toners, hair care and condition... all that stuff.

I ended up wetting my face with tears today, though.

No apparent reason.

...Well, perhaps just... out of loneliness.

All those tears had better be good to my skin!

Cooking the weekend away

I had a good weekend at my parents' house. I kidnapped Shaby along with me since we both had been sick and tired of living on little food, although that's part of our diet. My brother picked us up (after ending up lost somewhere, as expected) and we wasted no time going to Tesco and the bakery store to buy groceries for our cooking needs.

Day 1: Chicken cordon bleu paired with creamy mushroom sauce and buttered spinach.
Day 2: Roasted garlic parmesan spaghetti and quiche.
Day 3: Sweet sour fish fritters with onions and carrots.

I feel so satisfied and accomplished, since everyone liked the dishes so much. My mother even invited my aunts, uncle and cousins over and declared that she'll be retiring from the role of the cook of the house. When Moksu Shidah's family arrived, I jumped for joy, in my apron and all, since I haven't seen them in a while. They were all dressed formally and I asked them if they really thought I was having a kenduri. They fooled me, joking with me, saying they thought Omar was coming to propose to me already, haha. Uncle Nashar spouted some random, generic Mexican names, having a go at guessing his name, lololol. There was Juan, Monte Carlos and whatnot. I don't even- XD

We went to Jusco that night, to shop for clothes and then drove all the way over to Subang to drop Mokde and Azli off. We had dinner at this restaurant called Te Amo, which pleased me that it was Mexican/Spanish for I love you, ahaha. Omar uses it on me, so I'd know better. |D

Now I find myself casually reminiscing our romantic times with my friend, Minori and not getting too worked up about it. I guess I've finally realized to just leave him alone to work, and he'll come around when he has time. Also, I keep searching for recipes I could use, for cooking practice. I even gave Vanessa a random curry laksa recipe yesterday, lol. Now I feel like learning how to make laksa from Mama. Apparently there's also laksa Johor, but I wanna try laksa Penang first. :P