Miss Murder

I'm so used to not letting my real words and feelings be heard, that it's become a habit. This habit has gotten me in so much unnecessary problems throughout my life. Oftentimes, after I said what I said, I realized afterwards that I could've said something different; the thought that's already been inside my head, but I ignored it somehow. I'm so stupid, I didn't even hear that one thought that needed to be let out.

It's like... when I'm too choked up on anger or depression, or even simply just desperation, it gets so loud in my head that it blocks out the rest of whatever. And then my stupidity makes me even angrier, that I begin to think of death. Usually the death of the one who pisses me off. These thoughts might grow on me and stick on me, that it might just happen. I've secretly been keeping hold of a weapon in my room in relevance to that thought. I might just, one day, use it... It's so tempting.

I wish Felina would step back a little more now that my plan has come into action. She's getting more and more impulsive and uncontrollable. Takaze's not strong enough to hold her back, at times. I can't blame him, though... she can be quite unpredictable when she steps in. Takaze, you're almost always too late to stop her...

Sometimes, all the things I do to get a result of the old people screaming at me, they were all just an accident. A slip of the tongue. And my goddamn ego is just way too huge to let me apologize. They never knew how I feel, because I never tell them, but I hope for them to get a fucking clue. That's why I write these things here. Maybe they'll see it one day. When it's too late, perhaps. Or maybe not. Oh, every day spent with them not knowing only makes me believe they do not care enough. Don't tell me they house me, feed me, and all that, that's all physical shit. I'm talking about mentally, here.

Heck, I might be a clinically-proven psycho, and they won't even know it.

Lonely Lady

Still single? Can't find the right guy? Always ending up with some sort of loser one way or another?


Of course. That's miserable, pathetic, lame 'ol me.


I'll never end up with the one I love, so it seems. My future love life seems obviously bleak.


Oh, don't worry. I won't end up as a crazy cat lady. 


Just a crazy hedgehog lady.

Just you and me, Gypsy. 

Beginning of the Aftermath

Well, that went, more or less, just the way we thought it would be. Right, Takaze?

I did somewhat wish they could do it worse. Can't they see how much I needed the help?

They will never understand my masochism.

Having someone to hold the reins on me is just what I need. And it's better to forcefully pull the reins, rather than just holding it very loosely.

Comic Fiesta 2011 - First day

We arrived at KLCC at 11 o'clock in the morning, and my, oh, my. The line for buying tickets was as long as it could ever be! We had to wait four hours just to get in! But it was worth it. I got a clear idea of what it is like inside, so I can prepare myself better for tomorrow. I've seen what was on sale, and I've seen some pretty interesting performances on the stage. There were also a lot of  awesome cosplayers around! Man, their costumes get better, and better! I don't think I saw any half-assed costumes... Oh, I hope my Blaziken get-up isn't so bad at all...

Well! Tomorrow is the big day! Blaziken will make her debut, and I will be prepared! I'm going to stay there all day and walk around in my costume for people to admire and gawk at.

Hey, you.

I really love you. I can't sleep without you. I'm always missing you.

But when you're already in front of me, I get tongue-tied, all the time, up until now. Whatever I have thought up for you to hear, I always never manage to get them out. It always came out wrong, or as some other topic, or I pretended to say it so very casually that you probably didn't understand how much it meant to me to say it.

And when you touch me, or however way we come in contact, no matter how small, I get that electrical shock running through me, and my heart skips a beat before beating faster than ever. 

I love talking about you to my friends, repeating the silly jokes you ever told me. I will always feel so joyful and giddy inside when I do. 

Whenever I spot you anywhere outside of my room, there always seem to be something caught in my throat. I suppose it was my heart, leaping out to get you. Not only that, a smile will also creep up to my lips when I see you. 

I absolutely enjoy hearing you talk, and talk, and talk. I may act as if I'm annoyed by your endless babbling, but when you're not looking, I hid a small smile of sheer happiness.

I guess what I'm saying is... I keep, and never stopped, falling in love with you.

I only wonder if you know, since I never asked you. I'm too scared to hear your answer, to tell you the truth, but I really am curious.

Umm... never mind.

Urban Jungle

This place... now I know why they call it the urban jungle...

If I were to survive in a real jungle, it would mean little fresh water. I would have to sleep on the hard ground and itchy leaves without much comfort. Food will be scarce and hard to come by. Temperatures will be uneven and harsh. Company will be out of the question. My energy would be constantly drained away. Personal hygiene must be kept to prevent diseases from getting me. The immense fear from being spotted by predators.

Red lips

My lips are bare.

They are red with blood... and I can feel it flowing.

The pain...

I feel so exposed, and unprotected without barriers.