The Death Of A Princess

I woke up from a very terrible nightmare that involved death. It turns out I overslept as I woke up at the exact time my siblings got back from school. At lunch, my sister said that someone died. There was an accident somewhere near her school. As I got out of the shower later that time, I thought about how the two mentions of death are lining up. I remember thinking, "This must be a sign..." but I didn't give much thought about it for the rest of the day.

It was around 9 o'clock, and that was when I discovered that Gypsy was dead. Oh, my dear baby princess... Even in her death, she still looks serene and clueless and innocent... Her quills are up, though, but that must be her strong defense mechanism. I cried as I covered her with a fleece blanket. Her burial should take place next morning...

I then took the car out, taking my siblings along. I guess I needed the distraction. I switched the radio on, and there was this stupid One Direction song, but I let it be. Once my brother got in and heard the song, he attempted to change radio stations, but he landed on Adele's Someone Like You. He immediately changed it back to One Direction. I guess he knew. That line, "Never mind, I'll find someone like you," really almost made me cry again. I appreciate that he was being considerate about it, and even tried to somewhat cheer me up.

Thank you.

And goodbye, Gypsy.

Soulless

The body needs food, drink, sleep. The soul needs to sing, dance, love.

I believe I quoted this before. I feel like I've gotten out of tune with my soul recently... I haven't been singing as much as I used to. I haven't been writing well. My dreamcatcher has been destroyed by a stupid cat. My bad luck is worsening.

Always On My Mind

Oh, baby, you are always on my mind too... You are, you are... all the time.

You do not know of the many lonely nights, I cry, for you can never be mine. I cry because we are not always together. I cry because the warmth from your body is absent next to me.

I'll take in every little gesture of love you slipped to me. I plead desperately for your full attention on me.

I do not know who is in your heart right now...

Me... or still her?

Miss Murder

I'm so used to not letting my real words and feelings be heard, that it's become a habit. This habit has gotten me in so much unnecessary problems throughout my life. Oftentimes, after I said what I said, I realized afterwards that I could've said something different; the thought that's already been inside my head, but I ignored it somehow. I'm so stupid, I didn't even hear that one thought that needed to be let out.

It's like... when I'm too choked up on anger or depression, or even simply just desperation, it gets so loud in my head that it blocks out the rest of whatever. And then my stupidity makes me even angrier, that I begin to think of death. Usually the death of the one who pisses me off. These thoughts might grow on me and stick on me, that it might just happen. I've secretly been keeping hold of a weapon in my room in relevance to that thought. I might just, one day, use it... It's so tempting.

I wish Felina would step back a little more now that my plan has come into action. She's getting more and more impulsive and uncontrollable. Takaze's not strong enough to hold her back, at times. I can't blame him, though... she can be quite unpredictable when she steps in. Takaze, you're almost always too late to stop her...

Sometimes, all the things I do to get a result of the old people screaming at me, they were all just an accident. A slip of the tongue. And my goddamn ego is just way too huge to let me apologize. They never knew how I feel, because I never tell them, but I hope for them to get a fucking clue. That's why I write these things here. Maybe they'll see it one day. When it's too late, perhaps. Or maybe not. Oh, every day spent with them not knowing only makes me believe they do not care enough. Don't tell me they house me, feed me, and all that, that's all physical shit. I'm talking about mentally, here.

Heck, I might be a clinically-proven psycho, and they won't even know it.

Lonely Lady

Still single? Can't find the right guy? Always ending up with some sort of loser one way or another?


Of course. That's miserable, pathetic, lame 'ol me.


I'll never end up with the one I love, so it seems. My future love life seems obviously bleak.


Oh, don't worry. I won't end up as a crazy cat lady. 


Just a crazy hedgehog lady.

Just you and me, Gypsy. 

Beginning of the Aftermath

Well, that went, more or less, just the way we thought it would be. Right, Takaze?

I did somewhat wish they could do it worse. Can't they see how much I needed the help?

They will never understand my masochism.

Having someone to hold the reins on me is just what I need. And it's better to forcefully pull the reins, rather than just holding it very loosely.

Comic Fiesta 2011 - First day

We arrived at KLCC at 11 o'clock in the morning, and my, oh, my. The line for buying tickets was as long as it could ever be! We had to wait four hours just to get in! But it was worth it. I got a clear idea of what it is like inside, so I can prepare myself better for tomorrow. I've seen what was on sale, and I've seen some pretty interesting performances on the stage. There were also a lot of  awesome cosplayers around! Man, their costumes get better, and better! I don't think I saw any half-assed costumes... Oh, I hope my Blaziken get-up isn't so bad at all...

Well! Tomorrow is the big day! Blaziken will make her debut, and I will be prepared! I'm going to stay there all day and walk around in my costume for people to admire and gawk at.