Loneliness

I never really knew how extreme loneliness could make you lose grip of your viciously flailing sanity. That's what my sanity is doing, flailing and whipping out of my control.

If I remember correctly, I had been a truly lonely person when I was young. I only had my brother and my cousin during kindergarten years. Then, when I moved to Bukit Sentosa, I guess I was with Xyriel, Facia, Sufi and Khairani most, when I'm not just playing with my brother at home.

At school, I think I mostly just stayed away from everyone else. Since Natsuki talked to me, I began to just mindlessly follow her and the rest of SAMAN.

I never really thought long about what I was doing. I was just... doing.

I wish I have that carelessness now. I wish I could just be oblivious to everything else, not worrying about anything. I'm so, very lonely currently. I want to ignore it all, but I can't, with this developed, always-thinking mind that I have. If only I never had made friends... If only I had never known what I'm missing when not having friends... I could go through this easier.

Now, with my insomnia, I want to use it as an excuse to take sleeping pills, where I can escape reality and just dream. Dreaming dreams are, to me, sweeter than living life.