I cry too

That night, you told me not to cry. I didn't. I wasn't.

At the time.

Almost immediately after you left, I buried my face in my hands and sobbed, with the big bright moon watching over me. I went back to our seats and imagined you were still there, with me. I wanted to hug you. To kiss you.

But I didn't dare.

If I did, what would you have thought? I didn't want you to think negatively of it, and ruin the friendship that I'm trying to build with you. I had to try and take things slowly again. Patience, patience...

Maybe I won't get you to be mine. Maybe I will find someone else later. Maybe. Just maybe.

But can't I dream of being with you for now? Just for a moment in my life, I want you... So I'm probably going to still hope, leave off a few hints, and then come right straight out to you, like I did.

Besides, I don't just need you as a lover, I need a you as a friend; a best friend, most importantly. Lately, I just don't seem to have anyone to really talk to anymore. My so-called best friend had been restrained from me again. I know it's not her fault, but she could've at least tried harder. Oh well, that's her problem, and if she didn't feel like telling me, it's her choice. I'm accepting the fact. Aside from her, there's just no one else I could really talk to, honestly, without having to pretend or fake as someone else.

But you... When we spoke to each other ever-so-honestly that night, I realised that all this time, I had been lonely... and that I haven't had such an open conversation with anyone in a while. When we talked, heart-to-heart, it just hit me like a blizzard; that I had longed for a conversation like that for a long time. And you gave it to me without expectation, and perhaps, without doubt, too.

I want to thank you, for not hiding who you are from me anymore. Meh, it sure stung me a bit, but seriously, I was glad and downright satisfied you told me the truth. I hope... I really hope we get to talk like that again soon. It made me feel so close to you, at least.

I hope you'll understand why I'm doing this. Why I look and seem so desperate. So obsessive.

I'm not. I'm just in love with the wrong guy again.