Insanity

What should I do? What am I doing?

First I'm pretending. And then I feel like letting all these blasted feelings flood out. Next I'll be cursing and attempting to inflict pain on myself somehow. But I'll put on a fake smile again. Though my cheeks are wet with tears.

I'm confusing myself. I'm confusing him. I'm just simply confusing everyone.

Sometimes I wondered if I could switch these feelings off. Like turning off the lights. Allow myself to be enveloped in darkness always. But I can't seem to do so. It's so hard to cover my eyes from the beautiful sight that is him. Such a powerful attraction force. Dammit.

I don't know if I should act aloof and carefree... Because I know. And I do care.

If I act forceful and determined, I might as well just come off as desperate in his eyes. I don't want to be mistaken as that.

I love him. I just do.

So what the bloody fuck is wrong with you, Asuka?!

You tell me.

The List

The list of people who have wished me a happy birthday:

Mira (She was the first one ever. Aww.)

AJ (Tears welled up in my eyes.)

Kei (I felt touched.)

Darryl (Too bad he couldn't come.)

Darsh (First one on Facebook.)

Katie (What a sweet little darling.)

Jaya (Now that's a surprise.)

Mokde (The first aunt to wish me.)

Amoera (Miss talking to her.)

Caezun (Punk ass.)

Mama (Thought she forgot.)

Rin (Okay, little sister.)

Jenny (Wow, she knows?)

Fara (She thought I was joking about inviting her.)

JY (Yay, she got me hook-on earrings!)

Lia (Thought she could hide from me, huh?)

Sue (She came with Lia.)

Xhuang E (Bitch.)

Sam (Gay.)

Ekin (She almost believed my Dad that the party was tomorrow.)

Diha (My favourite little cousin.)

Julius (Fellow animal lover, ex-senior.)

Dharmen (I can't believe the old man remembered to think of me.)

Sun Wei (Wah, unexpected.)

Oen (Too bad her sister couldn't come.)

Shanthen (He played the fool, pretending to forget my birthday.)

AF-kun (Aw, haven't played RO with him in a long while.)

Mak Yam (Second aunt to wish me.)

Xyriel (He got back from KL late, but managed to wish me before midnight arrived.)

Ayah (He purposely wanted to be the last to wish me.)

The guy best friend

I slid open my cupboard door and began looking for the black top that I had planned to wear tomorrow. I found it behind a stack of my folded clothes. It must've gotten wedged down there whenever I rummaged through my clothings messily.

I fished it out and laid it on my bed carefully, looking it over. Then, I hung it up, along with my favourite skinny jeans. I'll have the maid iron them out tomorrow, perhaps.

I sat on my bed and flipped my phone open. Suddenly I remembered. I immediately got up and rushed outside. As I walked briskly to the dining room, I cursed myself for being so forgetful. How could I have forgotten him?

My Dad was in the dining room, working on his laptop. I quickly explained to him that I needed to use his phone to call him, since my own cellphone had run out of credit. I walked quickly back into my room and shut the door. I pressed in the correct numbers and listened to the phone ring.

I hoped he would pick it up.

And he did, indeed.

I was so thrilled to hear his voice once again. We haven't hung out with each other in a while, since he lives in another town and goes to another high school. But at least he's back in Selangor. Though I'm sure he misses living in Johore, just like me. Us, both. Oh, those younger days, innocent times.

I greeted him, and he asked who I was. I expected that, since I was using my Dad's number instead of my own. So I replied, with a slight chuckle, that "It's me, Athira."

"Athira who?"

"Athira Badrolhisham.."

He said that the name didn't ring a bell. I finally realised that he was playing the usual trick on me again. We burst out laughing and I scolded him playfully. I should've remembered that he likes to do that whenever I call him. I'm too forgetful. Darn it, I need to hang out with him more so that he'll be more familiar to me just like before. I don't want to forget him.

So, I began to tell him why I called him in the first place. I reminded him that my birthday is tomorrow and that I'm having a party. I'd love to have him over, but he told me that he couldn't come because he was already on the way to Ipoh. Too bad. I really wanted him to come to my Sweet Seventeen party, along with all my other best friends.

"I consider you as one of my best friends, you know," I once told him. And that flattered him.

But oh, what luck. He couldn't join us tomorrow and meet my other best friends. And that's the end of it.

Probably sensing the disappointment in my voice, he assured me that he'll make it up to me. He promised he would try to come to my house some other day anyway. Just to hang out like we used to. I quickly lightened up again and looked forward to seeing him again.

For a few seconds, we were both silent. He muttered, "Hm. Awkward."

I tried to start a topic, but he beat me to it, asking me what I was doing. I told him that I wasn't really doing anything but deciding what to wear tomorrow. I heard his sister in the background, trying to talk to me, but he shooed her away and shushed her down. It was as if he didn't want anyone else to talk to me but him. I didn't mind. I would've preferred him alone anyway. It was always the same case with his little brother too. He would always make sure I wouldn't be bothered by his siblings and then come to talk to me himself. I actually like it when he makes that kind of effort. It makes me feel so special and wanted. I also enjoy it whenever he speaks to me in a French accent and calls me 'mademoiselle'.

Sufi, as you said, I'll be turning exactly seventeen tomorrow. And that just reminds us how long we've been together, doesn't it? 10 years, we have known each other. I remember the first time we met, you were with my neighbour Xyriel. You boys asked me if I wanted some 'kismis' (raisins) and when I innocently answered yes, both of you laughed. I later found out that Kismis was the name of your grandfather's long-furred dark brown cat.

We started to get close then. Frequently, Sufi, Xyriel and I would be playing together, along with our younger siblings. Both Xyriel and Sufi had younger sisters, Facia and Khairani. They were of the same age. My younger brother, Shahrul was a year younger than the two girls. But the six of us were always together.

We would watch TV together, do arts and crafts outside Xyriel's house together, attend one another's birthday parties together, play with our made-up obstacle courses in my garden together, discuss about Pokemon-related matters together or play Lego together.

On the phone, I grumbled to him about the fact that he couldn't make it to my party and he, as always, retaliated my behaviour with his jokes. And as always, I would chuckle at his jokes. Anyway, both he and his young sister wished me an early happy birthday and finally, we ended the phone call, both reluctantly.

You've always been in a special place in my heart, too.

Hurt

For the past couple of days, I've been sensing that something will go wrong. Terribly wrong.

And gosh, I hate it when I'm right about this.

My party... I don't think it'll be as awesome as I thought it would, due to some change of plans. It'll still go on, though. But whatever it is, the perfect party I had envisioned in my mind had been interrupted.

This whole week, I've been keeping that image of me, hosting the perfect party for all my best friends, in a fragile ball of glass. And now, it's been shattered into a million, tiny pieces. That's not all. The force seemed to be too much and most of the pieces had struck me in the face, injuring my pride.

And then there's this something else, an entirely different topic.

I saw this coming! I knew it would happen someday! Again! I told myself I've braced myself for this kind of answer but still, it hurts! Goddammit, it hurts!

I prefer to describe it as though I had been pierced with a jagged-edged, poison-tipped javelin at the centre of my fist-sized heart that beats with the speed of a hummingbird's wing flappings when I saw the words.

Sounds agonising, doesn't it?

What else will I have to face after this? Am I ready for it?

Unstable

Maybe that's what I'd call myself.

I am unstable.

My physical condition... I'm not too sure about that, but I do experience certain short muscle spasms around random parts of my body occasionally. I have to say I rarely get ill, but once I fall into the cruel hands of a sickness, it hits me like ever-blazing wildfire.

I become unstable.

It has always been this way. I remember when I was only 7 or 8, I was lying down on a mattress, covered in thick blankets, in my parents' air-conditioned room. My whole body shook with high fever. I closed my eyes and saw an endless void of darkness. But that was not all I saw. I saw other dark colours, like green and red, swirling and slithering in the midst of that blackness. I shut my eyes tighter and the colours seem to not go away, but they turn stronger instead.

As I reaccounted this memory right here, right now, as I write this piece, I realise now that those were my colours. The colours of my 'aura'. I knew I had this ability before, but I didn't expect it would date all the way back then. I guess I was born with it, anyway.

Moving on, I sensed that during the fever, my body couldn't control itself and my mind was a complicated, messy array of thoughts.

Wait... I am being distracted. A sudden headache attacked my temples. I blinked it away, and it's gone. That was very peculiar. I haven't had a headache in a while.

As I was saying, I couldn't think straight. It was as if those colours blinded me in a way. I thrashed about uncontrollably and threw my blankets off everywhere. I rolled down onto my stomach and onto the cold, smooth floor. I remember having a hard time breathing.

I knew what it was like to be unstable. I am, a living example, of an unstable creature; mind and body. Now that I am a teenager, with growing, raging hormones, this unstability has affected my emotions. Just like my friends have noticed, my mood swings from one to another in just a blink of an eye. You can take one look at me and tell me that I'm happy. Take another look and say I'm angry.

It shows how unstable I am.

I can break down into tears out of the blue, I suppose. It has happened before, but usually out of the public view of people. I can stop dead in my tracks and give out a big, hearty laugh in the middle of nowhere. I can snap out of my calm trance and transform into an animalistic figure within seconds.

Why am I this way?

Because I am, and shall probably always be, unstable.

I wonder if there's anyone who could treat and cease this unstability...?

Who knows?

I went to the spa centre with my mother today.

We talked about some things and I found out that she was actually very open about me in a romantic relationship, and encouraged me to go on with him. She even invited him over to our house! She thought that he looked like a young Japanese boy, and that he's humble enough to stay loyal with me. Sigh, if only we were officially together...

I kept a calm expression as I talked to her about him, but inside, I was ecstatic as heck! My inner self was jumping up and down, twirling and running around. She agreed! And she's happy for me!

During my facial treatment, she remarked, "Before you meet him, you have to get over with this first! So that you'll look pretty in front of him."

I wanted to laugh out loud but I couldn't with a firm mask on my face.

Excited, I went back home and I watched AMP Around Asia on Channel V where it featured an Indonesian band, RAN. Their vocalist/rapper, Rayi said something that caught my attention:

"We don't know what's going to happen to us in a matter of.. seconds. So, why not go all-out?"

Exactly my thoughts! Things can change in a day, a week, a month, a year or more, but even in a matter of seconds, too.

A single decision that you decide on, in your mind, within seconds could determine a big change in your life, like getting married or breaking up with your significant other. Who knows?

A single step you take around the usual corner of the road near your house, and you could end up getting rammed by a speeding car or bump into your oldest childhood friend. Who knows?

A single word you utter while you have a conversation with your best friend could spark an argument or make that person love you even more. Who knows?

So I move fast. I rush things in my life most of the time. I want to make use of every second I have in life to do things I want to do. I want to get to my goal quickly so that I could achieve another one immediately after that. Heck, sometimes I even stack things up and multitask. I have always been rather speedy. It's like my living principle.

I've got to let him know how adamant I am about loving him.

That might change, but then again, it might not.

Who knows?

Decision

It was recess time.

My friends and I have bought our food from the canteen. Feeling desperately hungry, we had to resort to their poorly-prepared food. Lia, Mira, Natsuki and I had walked to the canteen together.

We sat at the end of the long grandstand; our usual place, where a big tree provided some cool shade for us. Natsuki sat on my right side, and we were talking, while taking occasional bites on our food.

Suddenly, as I clamped my mouth on the bread I was eating, Natsuki mumbled, "Oh, 2 o'clock. Or maybe 1 o'clock."

I wanted to look at her weirdly but out of the corner of my eyes, I saw him walking in our direction.

"Oh, 2 o'clock, definitely. He's coming to 1 and 12 soon..." I mumbled back at her, unable to hold back a grin.

He must have walked that way just to see me, but as always, we only greeted each other with a quick smile and nod. Ah, egoistic men are just shy men. After he left, I continued talking to Natsuki as though nothing happened. He should see that I'm doing quite fine without having to follow him around like an obsessed little lovestruck fan.

...And that was merely a figure of speech.

So, anyway, Sam came along and sat next to me. Natsuki and I had already run out of topics to say, so I turned to him and tried to start up a chat. Besides, a certain someone just had to come and steal her away from us, as usual, even though he wasn't supposed to, and didn't have the rights anymore. Though most of the time, Sam and I ate in silence, staring out at the vast field in front of us.

He suddenly spoke up.

"I've made my decision," he said confidently.

As he elaborated on his particular decision, I listened intently and was proud to see that he was adamant about it. I mean, it was a pretty big decision and that could change his life forever. I hope he knows what he's doing, all for his own good. I don't want him to regret his decision, because the feeling of regret really is nasty. I don't want my best friend to have to go through all that hell. I didn't discourage him.

I know that even though his mind could change the very next day, or week, or month, or year or even several years, or not at all, I just want him to know that it's good to decide on something now. It's the act or attempt of making a big decision that determines the value of a person's soul. As his best friend, I will support him all the way.

I gave him a reassuring smile.

We looked out to the field together again. His daredevil sister, Xhuang E was coming towards us. We quietly waited for her to come closer to us. The person who was talking to Natsuki was leaving, and going into her way. She gave him a -playful and harmless- glare and held her hand up to him like a gun. It was as if she was provoking him. He, obviously, had that weirded-out look on his face, avoiding her finger from poking him in the eye. She kept jerking her 'gun' at him as though he threatened her before. Which he didn't.

It was hilarious to watch. Sam and I laughed and giggled in unison.

Who misses who?

I was in a rush. And so was everyone else in my house. All my family members were there; father, mother, brother, sister, aunts, uncles, cousins...

Maybe it was Raya already. This year, we will be celebrating at my house. So, yeah.

I walked briskly to the hall room, where I passed by my cousin, who was walking just as fast and we simply ignored each other due to the amount of work at hand. I looked to my left and right, with hands akimbo and searched for anything wrong with the decorations of the house, when I was suddenly pulled down to my knees, behind a sofa, by a mysterious hand.

I was about to curse, until I saw who he really was. It was him. I almost went speechless. But I found my voice soon after and demanded what he was doing there, in my house, hiding, and pulling me down like that.

"I just wanted to see you," he answered.

What?! What the hell? No, no. That's not.. This is pure nonsense. Blasphemy!

I was in a confused state. I looked at his face, into his eyes, and searched for truth. But before I could really focus, he leaned in to me and started kissing me violently. I was shocked and struggled to resist. At that exact moment, the curtain behind us flew open and people outside my house could see us. I was barely able to break the kiss for a moment to tell him to stop, but he kept on kissing me hungrily.

No, no, no, no... There are people outside... And they could see us... Please, stop... Not here, not now...

I couldn't break away anymore. I could feel my heart pounding against my ribcage. He was hugging me closer and closer to him. His chest was pressing against mine. I could feel his heart beating wildly, too.

Just as suddenly as he started, he stopped. His lips left mine and he hung his head down. Slowly, he leaned his forehead on my shoulder and stayed completely still.

What's going on? What is he doing? Is he crying..?

I slowly placed my hand on his back and patted him with care. I hugged him back. I buried my face in his hair, taking in the familiar scent of the person I once loved. I felt a tear forming in my eye, but it held back.

I don't know how long we stayed that way but it was a very long time. Everyone else around us had disappeared. It was as if we were alone, and nothing else mattered.

Is he still longing for me..? Or is it actually I who missed him?

New York Dream

I've never actually made this clear to anyone at all before. I simply dreamt alone and kept the dream to myself. My friends and family never knew that...

I love New York.

I've always been attracted to The City That Never Sleeps.

Whenever I watched movies or TV programmes that sets in New York, I would watch very intently, and imagine myself living there myself. The Perfect Man, Enchanted, Get A Clue, CSI: NY, Maid In Manhattan...

I've always wanted to...

Live in one of those apartments they have there.

Go to places in a yellow cab and take the underground metro.

Eat their specialty subway sandwiches and hotdogs.

Take a walk at the Central Park and go ice-skating.

Say I want to go to a certain street or avenue, a few blocks away from where I am, in a New Yorker's accent.

Work as a freelance writer for the New York Times.

Walk on the streets with a long trench coat, scarf and boots on.

Sigh, it would be so wonderful if my dream could actually come true...

This time

I read. I listened. I thought. I cried.

"I love you."

I want to find the right one. I want to make sure. I want to be sure of someone. Someone that I know I want. Is he the one?

I used to be blind. Twice, before. I was blind. I was wrong. Yes, I was being the weak human I was. I thought I would learn, but love was just so tempting.

I fell down in my face again.

But someone has come to help me up again. He took my hand and pulled me up. He let me lean my head on his chest. He secured an arm around my shoulder.

I looked up into his eyes.

He looks kind and caring enough. He doesn't seem to be the kind who would cast me aside in pursuit of another, more beautiful person as if I didn't matter anymore. He doesn't have the main trait of my previous, failed lovers; pride. In fact, he is humble and modest. Sensitive and gentle with his words.

Ah, I was attracted... And now my instincts have decided to tell me to love him.

I am. I am loving him.

I will stay with him, until some unavoidable mayhem breaks us apart, which I doubt. Oh, but that's what I said last time too. I know I might be blind again, maybe even now, but I suppose that's how it's going to be. I have to keep falling in and out of love again and again until I find the right man for me.

And boy, I truly wish it would be him this time.

Old friends

Jonathan was playing the cool and quiet one, as usual. Yet, he was still secretly stirring up pranks behind our backs and caught us by surprise everytime!

Isaac the electrifying smart guy and Caleb the hot tough dude were still friendly rivals, fighting over the ever-stunningly-cute Laura. I remember how timid she is in personality, but she really is quick-tempered! Once something sets her off, she can show her true colours immediately!

Tiffany; the fashionable, creative and beautiful. She had always set her looks to dazzling mode. Though, she tends to always doze off in the middle of anything at all! For that, she was a little lost on most of our conversations together.

Finally, the witty Edward, who is kind and gentle, but always manages to thrash things about. He's the most mysterious of the group, I must say.

Oh, how I missed hanging out with you guys so much! I'm so glad we've reunited tonight! Cheers!

Ugliness in disguise

She was on her prefect duty at recess time during school today. Her post was in the cafeteria, and there was not much for her to do there. She stared off into the school field that was located next to the cafeteria. Her eyes trailed along the field's emptiness, in search of anything interesting at all. She finally stopped at a dying, wilting plant that was right in front of her the whole time.

She looked down at it. She thought it looked ugly. But the bright morning sunshine was strong. It shone even upon that ugly plant. And she had a thought.

"What is it like to shine light upon ugliness? Will that make it beautiful?"

She kept the question in her mind.

She was wearing her favourite black Rock Festival T-shirt and light grey shorts. As usual, she had brewed her delicious vanilla milk tea in her prized white Fashion Art mug. She walked outside her house, through the back door, where the verandah was. She stepped onto the freshly-cut lawn with her bare feet.

Above her head, the silver moon glowed eeriely. Big chunks of fluffy clouds covered the moon, limiting its brightness. But the wind must have been blowing strong, for the clouds were moving away rather fast.

She stood there, waiting for the clouds to clear, still holding her mug of tea in her left hand. She lifted her right hand up and moved it, shaping an imaginary sword in the air. She kept the sword afloat with a pointing finger. With a sudden jerk, she saw and felt the invisible sword shoot towards her and pierce her heart.

"Ohh..." a soft exclamation escaped her lips.

She did that because she was hurt. She was depressed. She conjured up the sword and made it fly through her because she felt like doing it. Her action matched her mood at the time. She felt like giving up. Her mind and heart was in a chaos. Her inner self was screaming in agony.

She slapped her forehead with her free hand. "I need a chance to calm down," she finally decided.

She went and grabbed a chair from the verandah. She brought it onto the grass, positioned it so that it was facing the moon up ahead. She sat on it and brought her knees to her chest. She blew in her mug to make the tea less hot and sipped on it slowly.

She stared at the beautiful moon. She stared and stared at it. It was hypnotising. She looked around the moon, too. The clouds seemed as if they formed shapes of different creatures. She thought she saw a horse, dog, dragon, fish, bird and so on. She blinked, and noticed the millions of stars. Most of them were twinkling dots of light.

"The stars are dying..." she thought depressingly.

When stars seem to be twinkling to us, they are, in fact, exploding into pieces. Their lives as stars end. We, humans, made twinkling stars sound so cute while it actually notes the end of their purpose of existance. Not only that, humans also like to call clouds fluffy. Aren't they formed by water vapour? They get heavier and fatter each moment. I don't think they are as soft and fluffy as we think. Now, humans would say the moon is beautiful and would usually compare it to a beautiful person. But as we know, the moon is actually a ball of craggy surface, with holes and pits all over it, created by falling meteors.

Are we constantly covering up ugliness and crudeness with smooth words of beauty? We are pretenders. That's what we probably are.

But you have to admit it, we shone light upon ugliness and yes, it actually made it seem beautiful.

Moments passed by without her noticing. As she pondered over this matter, she knew that thoughts of him ran through her mind, too, but she felt calmer. She found herself being able to cope with thoughts of him.

She has calmed down.

You

"Damn! Damn! Damn!"

"Missed again. I missed the chance. I missed it. I missed it."

"Are we not meant to be together? Is this a test? Is something keeping us apart?"

"I don't know! I don't know. I don't know..."

"I need to stay strong... Yes, I need strength."

So...

Thank you, for being there for me. You gave me good advice and you made me feel right about myself.

I have always been walking at a fast pace, almost as if I'm running. And now, I have tripped and fallen down. Don't worry. It's a minor injury. I can handle it. I can take it. I'll get right back up again, I can assure you that. I just... need you to stay with me. Sit with me, while I'm down. And we shall talk it out. I know you'll stay with me.. and you'll make me feel better. Thank you.

When I'm down and hurt, I realised that sometimes, I need to feel that pain. I need to feel that kind of pain, because it will help me see the truth.

While I ponder about the truth, you will be by my side, still encouraging me to go onwards. Sooner or later, I will decipher the real meaning behind the truth, stand up again, and continue walking forward.

And you are coming with me.

Curse in a blessing

Having psychic potentials... Is it a curse? Or a blessing?

It is rather wonderful to call myself unique, having these special psychic abilities. I know what people think of me and other things. I know when I'm liked, loved, disliked and hated.

When they don't like me, even when they didn't tell me or leave a seen hint, I could sense it. Thus, I feel hurt. But only on the inside. In front of them, I would still act as if I don't know what they really think of me. Like a stupid, innocent girl they think I am. Oh, but I'm not. I know, people. I know. I deal with the pain alone, by myself. I did that so that I would not stir up troubles and complications. Let them hate me... All that matters is that I'm being myself. So what if they hate me for who I am? That's their problem, right?

I have other people who appreciate my true self, so I'm fine. One day, I hope to find someone who loves me truly, for who I am. I can love a person when I love a person. I can easily adapt to anything and anyone, so I'm confident. I know what I want. That is just how I live.

I like to call myself strong, but maybe now, I'm not so sure anymore.

I'm still going to tell myself I'm strong, though. Don't fear. Do not fear for me... I can adapt. I simply need to express my inner thoughts from time to time... I'm strong, yes, but not strong enough apparently. I need to let some of these feelings out, before I completely burst into a possibly-fatal condition.

Is it wrong? I sometimes sense things that I shouldn't be sensing. I think. Why? Because it made me think twice about it. I hate that. I like to be sure of things. I want to always know what I want. I don't want to feel doubtful, if possible. That is why I was used to keeping things to myself.

I love and want to be loved. I only need loyalty from those who love me too. I may not show my appreciation sometimes.. but I do need people who love me by my side. And I do appreciate you. I probably love my people more than they think I do. I am actually grateful and thankful... but as many already know, I have this thing called ego. I am rather egoistic for a lady, I suppose. Please bear with me, if you really love me the way I love you.

You might get uncomfortable with me at times. I might have hurt your feelings at times. I probably couldn't help it. I was just being myself. I was raised this way. I can't help it. Maybe you people would start saying, "Yes, you can. You can help it." The fact is, even when I tried to help it, I found that I couldn't.

Now, I just realised that being a human, myself is like a curse in a blessing. We were given the gift of thoughts and emotions. We have minds and sanity. But if you look back, these are the things that caused complications between us.

If we were like animals, we would have lived and died. That's it. Wouldn't that be easy? You won't even know what you're missing if you were never human. That is why I wanted to become an animal so much. It's so simple.

I know I sound so deranged and delirious right now, but I'm just saying what I'm saying. I am simply recording my thoughts at random, making this entry look so messy and unorganised. With this, I realise that I might hurt someone, yet I can also touch someone's feelings. Maybe.

Ah...

We are only humans. Please understand.

They meet

He was anxiously waiting for her in front of the cinema centre at the mall. He shoved his hands in his pockets and tapped his feet on the floor.

Suddenly, he heard a shrill, feminine voice calling his name. He turned around to his left to see a teenage girl skipping towards him. Her long, dark hair bounced behind her as she skipped merrily. He could not help but chuckle at her antics. She was so bubbly and cheery, as he had always known her as. He was glad that she could make it. They had planned to meet for quite a while.

Once she had reached him, she did not stop to say even a simple hello, but she started to circle him instead. Her eyes trailed up and down as she did, with her hand on her chin and her lips puckered; her expression was as if she was looking him over. She completed a full circle around him and stopped abruptly right in front of him, and that made him flinch.

"Erkh... What are you d-" he started to say.

She still did not say anything or gave any indication that she heard him at all. She leaned her face closer to his, standing on tiptoes to reach. He began to blush and found that he could not move. Their faces were only a couple of inches away. In a sudden, her lips broke into a wide, cheeky grin and she mewed like a cat would.

"Meow~"

He realised that he had not been breathing for the last few tense seconds, and he was finally able to exhale and inhale again since she grinned from ear to ear like that. He placed a hand on his chest and sighed in relief.

"What was that for?" he bursted and laughed.

She covered her mouth with her small hands and joined him in the laughter. The other people around the mall must have been staring at them as they walked by briskly. A couple of teenagers holding their stomachs, laughing out loud in public was sure to attract lots of pairs of eyes to them.

She managed to control herself and cease her laughing soon after. She stood her ground and turned her head sideways to look at him, smiling gently. Her left hand was on her hip and held her right hand out to him, in a way a lady would want to be kissed on her hand by a true gentleman. He gladly took her hand in his and planted a soft kiss on it.

"Now, my dear gentleman, I want to say that it is indeed a pleasure to meet you," she said in a grandiloquent tone.

He giggled slightly and replied, "Of course, my lady. Quite the same goes here, as well."

Their hands were still in each other's. They had not notice it until several seconds later, where they quickly retreated in embarrassment. Awkward silence fell between them for a moment.

She shook her head. She made a decision.

"Umm... I want to say this in your face now that I'm here... I love you," she stuttered, but said the last three words with confidence.

He smiled an honest smile at her.

"I know... I love you too."

Little things in life

Have you ever thought of the little things in your life?

A few weeks ago, I went out cycling in the late afternoon, just like usual. I felt the wind in my face as I paddled on and on. I ran my fingers through my flowing hair with my left hand, steering the bicycle with only my right hand on the handle. I smiled.

I saw a young boy lying in a hammock tied to two trees in front of his house.

I saw a teenage girl turn a pipe on and lifted the water hose attached to it to the grass and trees in her garden.

I saw two little girls running around, playing with a blue ball.

A small, dirty white female dog which looked skinny enough to have been blown off by a weak wind walked pass me with a scared expression.

Three kittens; a grey, a black and a tortoiseshell, were left by a drain in a box. I sat with them for a while, letting them sniff my hand while I pitied them. Why had their owner left them there? I wished I could have brought them home but I knew I couldn't...
I sat and lied down under a special tree with a good friend next to me. I also played on the swings with him and our other friends. When they pushed me higher and higher, I noticed how blue the sky was, and how white the clouds were. I was laughing, along with them; my friends.

When it was time to return home at dusk, he walked me home, as usual. As we reached closer to my house, I realised how the colour of the sky changed each moment. I saw it. It turned darker and darker. From a light shade to a darker one every second. I never thought I could detect such minute changes.

That night, I cried over the death of a person I didn't even know personally. I had always admired her though. I thought that, maybe, I could have a chance to meet her and become someone precious to her. But I couldn't have that chance anymore. I felt a connection with her. I liked the way she thought. How she used her mind. Sigh... Rest in peace.

I watched a movie. It depicted young love. How cute young love was.

If only they would work more...