Strong feelings expose themselves in the night.

I told my father how I was invisible during my high school years. We were talking about popularity. I told him I have a strong desire to be popular; to be known by others. And yet I was unseen, at school, and people despised me for trying to stand out. He strongly encouraged me to go out and be popular. I told him how I am getting nearer to that goal, since I have achieved rather high marks in my Design and Creative Studies classes.

But still, I realised that my progress must have seemed slow, small and unimportant to him.

He had always been the popular one; anywhere at all. He is quick-witted, quirky, sarcastic and most importantly, powerful.

Damn it. I want to be like him. I'm so... envious of him.

Why can't I stand out just like that? Simply straightforward. I want people to immediately feel my special aura whenever they're around me, just the way my dad gives out this sort of sensation. I respect him so much for that special ability.

But there was another thing he said tonight... One that I'm not sure I would agree with or not...

"Never reveal to anyone your weaknesses. Not even your CLOSEST friends. You'll never be friends forever. And once you're not friends anymore, they're sure to use your weaknesses to bring you down. That's why I don't believe in best friends."

Only now do I realise how painful those words struck my heart and soul.

How could he say that...?

No. Deep down inside me, I know there's a part of me that agrees with him. Having friends is just an annoyance; a barrier. They can be like a huge, immovable obstacle that's getting in my way of reaching my dream to becoming widely known.

Relationships are such a hindrance.

So why am I still crying over relationships I've made with other people in my life?