Envy and Wrath

"If I were to relate myself with one of the 7 deadly sins, I would either be Envy or Wrath."

That's what I told a friend today.

I am such an envious person. I always envy the perfect people around me.

Perfect.

I realise that many people think perfection is just an illusion. But.. It's just that, I think of the people who are better than me (in any way at all) as.. perfect people. It's just a word. I know they're not ALL perfect. It's just a word that I use.

Not to be confused with the 'perfection' I use to describe my love, my friends, though. They're different. I love them. Yes, I love.

Anyway, the fact right now is.. I envy. And then I hate.

After I get jealous, I resort to anger. Here comes wrath...

Rage boils up within me. The aggressive side of me thrashes around, wanting to come out and hurt something. The fire of anger burns red hot. Hatred fills my heart. Uncontrollable violence.

I wish to be free. Not be bounded by the rules of others. I want to be able to do what I want. Spread my now-battered wings and soar free.

I just.. hope my wings will be healed by then.