Curse in a blessing

Having psychic potentials... Is it a curse? Or a blessing?

It is rather wonderful to call myself unique, having these special psychic abilities. I know what people think of me and other things. I know when I'm liked, loved, disliked and hated.

When they don't like me, even when they didn't tell me or leave a seen hint, I could sense it. Thus, I feel hurt. But only on the inside. In front of them, I would still act as if I don't know what they really think of me. Like a stupid, innocent girl they think I am. Oh, but I'm not. I know, people. I know. I deal with the pain alone, by myself. I did that so that I would not stir up troubles and complications. Let them hate me... All that matters is that I'm being myself. So what if they hate me for who I am? That's their problem, right?

I have other people who appreciate my true self, so I'm fine. One day, I hope to find someone who loves me truly, for who I am. I can love a person when I love a person. I can easily adapt to anything and anyone, so I'm confident. I know what I want. That is just how I live.

I like to call myself strong, but maybe now, I'm not so sure anymore.

I'm still going to tell myself I'm strong, though. Don't fear. Do not fear for me... I can adapt. I simply need to express my inner thoughts from time to time... I'm strong, yes, but not strong enough apparently. I need to let some of these feelings out, before I completely burst into a possibly-fatal condition.

Is it wrong? I sometimes sense things that I shouldn't be sensing. I think. Why? Because it made me think twice about it. I hate that. I like to be sure of things. I want to always know what I want. I don't want to feel doubtful, if possible. That is why I was used to keeping things to myself.

I love and want to be loved. I only need loyalty from those who love me too. I may not show my appreciation sometimes.. but I do need people who love me by my side. And I do appreciate you. I probably love my people more than they think I do. I am actually grateful and thankful... but as many already know, I have this thing called ego. I am rather egoistic for a lady, I suppose. Please bear with me, if you really love me the way I love you.

You might get uncomfortable with me at times. I might have hurt your feelings at times. I probably couldn't help it. I was just being myself. I was raised this way. I can't help it. Maybe you people would start saying, "Yes, you can. You can help it." The fact is, even when I tried to help it, I found that I couldn't.

Now, I just realised that being a human, myself is like a curse in a blessing. We were given the gift of thoughts and emotions. We have minds and sanity. But if you look back, these are the things that caused complications between us.

If we were like animals, we would have lived and died. That's it. Wouldn't that be easy? You won't even know what you're missing if you were never human. That is why I wanted to become an animal so much. It's so simple.

I know I sound so deranged and delirious right now, but I'm just saying what I'm saying. I am simply recording my thoughts at random, making this entry look so messy and unorganised. With this, I realise that I might hurt someone, yet I can also touch someone's feelings. Maybe.

Ah...

We are only humans. Please understand.