Cold

I feel cold. Empty. Hollow. Lifeless.

I can't help it but I do mean it. I'm not even exaggerating. Now I know what it's really like to feel.. heartbroken. It feels like your heart has broken. Literally. It hurts.

Ladies and gentlemen, this is what I have to endure. This is what I am facing. Cruel, yes, but I need to know... I just want to know... how far can I go without looking back..? I am ready to withstand this. I am ready to enter this game. No, this is not a game. This is reality. My life. And I am willing to fight and sacrifice myself in this. I am willing to hurt myself, even more than I already am now. To strain myself, just to get the answers that I wanted all along.

He is not to be blamed... Okay, maybe he is, as everyone, including himself said, but I... I can never... just never be able to bring myself to say it... I can't hate him. Or curse him, either. Which is a rather surprising feat for me, considering how impatient I am. This proves how important... how precious... how meaningful he is to me.

Right now, I'm feeling the worst I've ever felt. No, wait... This is my first time feeling it... But it still feels like the worst.

I have never wanted anyone so much in my life. I have never cried over anyone so much in my life. My friends believe in me. They want to support me. They think it's right to want something. To be sure of something. I smile at them... and tears still fall off my cheeks.

I need the strength to endure this. Because I know what I want.

I want him too much.