Specialty

I had always been able to know what people around me are feeling most of the time.

I thought that was just normal. I thought, "Eh, anyone could do that." I thought linking smells or feelings or even a whole person himself/herself to colours are just common. I continued to live like that, believing everything I ever did or whatever happened to me was ordinary. I told myself I was plain, so I didn't stand out.

As I grow older and more matured, I, of course, learned many new things. I also discovered pieces of myself and put them together, creating the person I am now. I'm not sure when I will be complete; if I'm allowed to ever be, anyway. I found out that I was special.

I made friends. Good, loyal ones. I made enemies. Nasty, back-stabbing ones. But that's just my life.

This year, I found out that, all this time, I have an aura-sensing ability. Well... Maybe that's not quite accurate... It's more of an ability to see my perception of others. I sense people and their feelings and describe them in colours. That's how I knew what most people feel.

When I was 12, young, naive and alone, I used to call it my 'instincts'. Now I know that it's an actual, special, almost psychic-like ability. I feel like a wild beast from the forest who has learned that she's actually more intellectual than she thought she was. It truly is an amazing discovery.

When I first admitted this to a friend (I've never told anyone before), she somehow managed to prompt me into using this ability. Control it. Another excited friend was so amazed by this ability that I felt encouraged to use it and show it off to people. She looked it up on the Internet and showed to me that such a power exists. It's rarity is 5.4% in 1 out of 2000 people on the planet. It's also hereditary.

So, I do have a special prowess and I'm not the only one.

Now, I can actually use this prowess for my own purposes. I've got to admit, lately, I have been using it, but I still consider myself rarely using it. I usually use it only when my friends tell me to. And even so, I felt.. wrong. Slightly.

I also keep forgetting my own strength and specialty. I still believed that I could always be wrong. I still thought that maybe, there's always someone else who can feel my aura, too. So I was always careful. I still get surprised when I get accurate readings, even though I'm supposed to treat it as a normal thing now that it has happened one too many times. As I said, I keep forgetting my own strength. I keep forgetting the fact that I am special.

Do I need confidence to use this ability? No... I can't. I don't want to be too proud and arrogant for this. The fact of the matter is, I never forgot my roots, which is rather noble of me, I must say. I still remember my 'wild beast' self; when I used to just go with the flow; when I simply felt and knew, nothing less, nothing more. I have never concentrated and focused on a person to see his/her aura like how my friends keep telling me to do now. I used to just feel somewhat subconsciously. I just knew. I didn't have to work my senses out.

Maybe... I kind of missed my carefree, unknowing beastly sense. It was crude and non-evolved, but it was easy.

But then again, there's this new side of me, the 'intellectual and knowing' one, that says I should appreciate this new knowledge of my ability and make full use of it. Yet, I don't want to overdo it and forget my roots, turning completely into a whole new species of beast. No. I want to remember my old self.

I know I'm getting better at it now, and that my sense is getting stronger, evolving more and more by the moment. A proof of this, besides the fact that I keep getting accurate readings, is that sometimes, when there is an emotion too strong and too powerful, I get dizzy. I didn't even have to do anything. I just felt the overpowering emotion and suddenly feel as if my head was spinning. It's amazing. Really, it is.

Returning to my previous thoughts, I feel lost. Torn. But I know I wanted my old style of sensing. My instincts. But should I really abandon this newfound knowledge and pretend I never knew? Should I keep a low-profile, just like before? This is a great opportunity to expand my ability, I know.

I growled in frustration. Wait... I remember now... I get it. I had this one specific dream a few nights ago, and the concept of my thoughts are clearly displayed.

Dreams are also my specialty. I attempt to interpret all my dreams because they always reflect all my inner thoughts. I depend on them to make certain decisions. I also dream of places that I will go to later in my life. So, sometimes, when I go somewhere, I will realise that I've seen the place before, in my dreams. That is why, I try to remember all my dreams when I wake up. I keep the really important ones and those that I thought are or could be meaningful, stored in my mind. Like this one.

In the dream, I was in the form of a lioness-like creature with red tufts of longer fur around my neck (like the mane on a liger), and on my elbows. My shoulder protruded some red, sharp feathers, making it look as if they were small wings. My tail end had those type of feathers too.

The dream started with me and my male partner (same appearance, only more muscular and very masculine-looking, obviously) running joyfully through trees in a forest. Soon, we reached outside the forest. I knew we had gone out too far, so I was about to turn back, but my mate saw something that caught his interest. There were low, grassy hills by a river and some humans were having a picnic on one hill. My mate was curious and wanted to approach them. I told him, in our animalistic language, that it was a bad idea. He wanted to go anyway and persuaded me to come along. I agreed but I was wary. Besides, he said it will only take a while and then we'll return to the forest.

So, we approached the humans, with my partner leading, and surprisingly, the humans seemed to accept our presence. My partner enjoyed it when they stroked him and spoke to him in their own weird language. I, on the other paw, simply sat there, looking at them. I soon reminded my mate to go back home, as promised. I really didn't like seeing him getting too close to them. I had a bad feeling.

He tried to delay and wanted to stay longer but I growled at him. We returned to our clan and reached our cave by night. The next day, he went out to see the humans again. I had a feeling he had been thinking about them all night while I was asleep. He was so excited about them and kept inviting me to come along. I had to follow him; I need to keep an eye on him in case anything bad happens.

He kept visiting the humans whenever he gets the chance. He started to communicate with them. I was scared. More and more, he was starting to become one of them. Speaking their language, sitting the way they do. I think his appearance was changing, too. He was transforming. He had forgotten his origins. He had abandoned the ways of our clan and gave in to the humans' way of life. I gave up.

I returned to the wilderness alone... without him. I had lost my mate... a long time ago, it seems. Since he started speaking to them. I padded to the river's edge and looked back at the hill, where my former partner was laughing with the humans, drinking tea in a cup. I was devastated. I swam through the river and returned to my clan. I told my clanmates what happened and they helped me get over it. So I kept on living my wild life, though in loneliness. Sometimes, even as I hunt, I still think about him, his old self... I missed him. I saw a silhoutte of him beside me, hunting with me, like he used to.

One day, I decided to find a cure for him. I wanted to find a way to get him back. It was only until this part of the dream did I know that I had another form. I transformed into a red and black swan-like creature and flew to the city of the humans. I entered a large library. The walls were dark grey bricks and the windows were stained glass. The sleek, mahogany racks were so high, they reached the ceilings and all kinds of books were stored in it.

I remember transforming back and forth from my swan form to my lioness form to glide or jump to different racks. I knocked some books out of their places, but I didn't care. I didn't know what I was doing, looking through books that I didn't even understand. But I needed a sign.

Unexpectedly, a dashing-looking human with red hair, dressed in neat clothes came in. He looked up and saw me. He immediately picked up some books and threw them at me, shouting at the same time. I turned into my swan form and hastily avoided the hard-covered books. I squawked in protest... until I suddenly realised that the angry man down there on the ground, was my former mate.

I was surprised. I didn't even recognise him. His looks, his scent, his mind... They have changed. He was different. Too different.

"Oh, my mate... Whatever has happened to you?" I spoke in my own language.

But he didn't understand me anymore. I didn't even think he remembered and recognised me then. The truth struck me like thunder. He kept on shouting at me in a ferocious tone and throwing things at me. I was so hurt... I realised that I couldn't communicate with him anymore. I needed to leave. I saw a single high, round, paned window. I flew at high speed and crashed through the glass unharmed. I turned my long neck to look behind, flapping my large red wings.

My former mate got on some sort of vehicle and was giving chase to me.

"Why is he doing this?" I thought to myself in panic.

I picked up speed, flying as fast as I could, but he managed to tail me anyway. I reached the river. I swooped down and folded my wings. I swam quickly through the water. I peeked behind and saw that his vehicle could run on water, too. In my swan form, I can swim as fast as a speed boat. But he had a speed boat, so he was able to follow, as well. I was so fearful. I really didn't know what I was doing.

I saw home. The rest of the tribe were relaxing; I saw from afar. They perked up when they saw me in fear. It was also because they noticed that a human was chasing me. They got scared too. No human has ever reached our home.

"What have I done? I led him to our clan... This is the end..."

I flapped my wings and stumbled of the water. I hit the ground on my face. He got out of his vehicle and took out a long, sharp weapon. Like a harpoon. He approached me and my clanmates slowly, with an evil smirk on his new face. We all froze in our positions. There was no chance of escape.

"I'm sorry, everyone... My mate and I have let you down..."

I don't know what happened next. The dream ended there. But I do know that.. when I woke up with a start... I was crying... I had tears falling out of my eyes... The dream.. was so deep.. So sad... I wiped away my tears, sniffed and lied my head back on the pillow. I closed my eyes and thought about this.